I'm so hot I might puke

*Disclaimer:  I'm hot and tired and this article will have complaining!

It's 4am.  It is 78 degrees.  I am sure it is hotter inside my house.  We don't have air conditioning and the one fan we have left that a child hasn't broken is in the bedroom.  I slept crappy, woke up sweaty, and seriously feel like I might puke.  It's disgusting.  

I love living in San Diego, but not right now.  I just want to not feel hot.  I actually feel like staying at work just so I can be in the air conditioner, although I'm sure that the air/heat combination I walk in and out of all day is fueling my cold that should have been gone a week ago.  The house is a disaster because Jon and I are too freakin hot to do anything and I can't even go upstairs in my house because its at least 10 degrees hotter up there than anywhere else.  So, knowing that, know that my kids bedrooms are up there.  Yeah...they're in our room.  They have been for a while since this heat has been around.  And I bet its going to be super easy to break them of this habit when the heat is done and they could go back to their rooms.  Yeah.

Parenting, I have realized that lots of situations that seem really crap and could end up in a negative place, end up in laughter because, well, you have to or I don't think you'd survive.  Also, my sarcasm is amazingly helpful for all situations.  One aspect of this heat is like that.  Here we are in this 3 bedroom house, with many building/temperature/everything problems, which used to be my grandparents (and you can tell!), and we are all living in our bedroom.  I mentioned earlier we only have the one fan left and since we're moving to England in January (still awaiting England's approval of me), we are trying not buy new things that we won't bring with us.  So, every night, we all go into our bedroom with our one fan and sleep.  The kids crawl into bed with us, they make noises, I almost never sleep through the night.  Anyway, one requirement when you apply for your visa to England is about your living situation.  They are trying to avoid over crowding and so you have to have a bedroom for each pair of people (unless the kids were over 10).  That means that, Jon and I can be one room and the 2 kids could be together in a room.  So, when we list the property we'll be living in (which will be very temporary), it must meet that requirement. Last night Jon is reading this requirement to me to make sure he understands it and I realized how ridiculous it was.  If England (and yes, I just refer to the country as someone who has their own thoughts!) just knew our living situation here at the moment, I'm pretty sure they would just waive that one for us!  So now we have to search for a temporary rental home (until we find our more permanent rental) with more space than we clearly need, just so that we're not living the way we're living now.  Ah, the ridiculousness of it all.  

And you can probably be sure that once we move to England, you'll be getting some posts on how I'm much, much too cold...but for now I'm dreaming of that feeling!  

Do over

The past week, Charlotte, Jack, and I have been sick.  In that order.  I am still sick and these germs are kicking my butt.  Then last night, I fell down a couple of stairs while I was carrying Jack downstairs.  So, I'm pretty sore from that (age is not friendly in the injury department).  I'm already not feeling that great.  Then this morning, the kids both woke up before 6am (which is becoming a regular thing for them), and I got up so that Jon could sleep in for his birthday.  Jack was grumpy because he didn't have enough sleep and it turned into a full on meltdown.  He started kicking and hitting and I tried my best to scold him with the loudest whisper I could to not wake up Jon.  Eventually I put him in his room, but he instead chose to (do his regular) stand at the top of the stairs and throw down whatever he could find. Today it was a little bag full of individually cut stickers that he had stashed away in his room.  So now, there were tiny little heart stickers scattered all over the stairs, along with a number of other various items from his room.  Needless to say, Jon was up by 7 (haaaappy birthday!) and I was already burnt out from Jack.

In the time between Jon getting up and us leaving the house, Jack was back in his room.  He just loses it and the only way it seems for him to calm down is by giving him space to himself.  We drove to Starbucks where Jack broke down...again.  Number 3 and it was only 10am.  Charlotte freaked out about something and cut up her knee, everyone was complaining, no one wanted to go anywhere, and in the end, we came back home.  Our entire morning consisted of meltdowns and Starbucks.  And while Jon and I sat there in the shade with two crying kids, we just decided today was one of those days we need a do over.  Everyone was grumpy, nothing great had been accomplished, there were way too many tears, and we just needed to start again.  We made it home, had lunch at 10:45, and now, at 11:15, everyone is off to nap*.  Hopefully when they wake up, it will feel like a re-do for the day.

Days like today are the ones that make parenting such a hard job.  I mean, its hard every day, but when everything you seem to say and do is a fight, those days suck.  It's no fun, for anyone, and that really sucks.  At least we're lucky in the fact that we don't have too many of these days and generally we can make it to nap time without any major meltdowns, but sometimes it can't be avoided.  At least all the tears, scrapes, and whining made me forget about my own sickness and injuries!  

 *When I brought Jack up to his room for nap, I found a gigantic poo he left in there from when he was in time-out in the morning.  Wonderful!

The days are long, but the years are short.

Charlotte started kindergarten this week and Jack will start pre-school on Tuesday and I cannot believe it.  I have no idea how we got to this point.  I mean, obviously I know how, but HOW?  I'm pretty sure they were JUST born.  Sending your kids off to school is terrifying and exciting and worrying and so very strange!  Their whole life (so far) is with you.  You know everyone they've met, all the places they've been, who they interact with, what they eat..and then one day, they're responsible for that stuff and you have no idea what happened to them.  They have their own conversations, probably eat other people's food, decide who to play with and where to go...its weird!  You start to lose them, but they're so little!  Jack seems so small and we'll just drop him off at school and hope he's alright.  I know he will be, but it's so crazy that he'll be "on his own" for part of the day. 

And, as sad as you are to drop your little ones off at school, there are moments when you're at home with them, wishing there was school so you could have a break!  I'm pretty sure this why the saying in the title is so true.  Every day, the little things wear you down, drive you crazy, and get under your skin and it can make some days never ending.  But as the weeks, months, years go by, the arguments, the tattling, the constant cleaning of toys and crumbs under the table get forgotten and all that's left in your memory are the good things.  The wonderful moments you laughed together, had dance parties, played cats and dogs for hours, travelled together, snuggled in bed together....those things remain in your mind and it feels like that past year has flown by.  Not that I haven't tried to always do this, but now that both of my kids are starting to have their own lives (even if it might only be 3 1/2 hours a day), I need to really treasure the moments I do get with them.  Now, I'm off to diffuse an argument.  ;-)

Yes...no...yes?

You make a crapload of decisions in life. From what to wear in the morning to what to eat for dinner...but when you become a parent, the amount of decisions you have to make doubles...triples...more maybe?  And the thing about that is, its fine that I have more decisions to make, but I am never actually that sure of the answer.  I second guess so many decisions or debate them in my head in order to cause the least amount of backlash from my kids.  They do something wrong or they want something or they ask a question and immediately I have to decide...how much do I really care about this (is this worth the fight or not?), how much do they really care about this, what answer is going to be a problem, what tone do I need to present this answer in, do I have anything to back up my answer?  Those are just a few!  This is just one reason why parenting is one of the most difficult jobs you'll ever have.  

Jack hasn't been taking naps the past few weeks because of a whole bedtime situation (whole other story), but tonight he wants to stay up late to swim in the dark.  So, he agreed to go take a nap in exchange for a late bedtime.  He went into his room so calmly and I didn't hear anything from him...until I did.  We're renting a house and it has many "quirks" but one of the is the worlds most annoying sound a door could possibly make. It doesn't actually latch to close but it almost jams into its frame and when you pull it open it makes the most horrible screeching sound.  Every.  Time.  So every time Jack needs something, you start off with an annoyed feeling because of the freaking sound.  Anyway, I hear the sound and go up to see what's going on and it turns out, he's crapped all over but is trying to downplay it because he "cleaned it up."  All I hear in my head is, "there's poop all over my hands and everywhere else I have just touched."  At this moment, I have to make a decision, and I'm not always making them consciously.  Sometimes...A lot of times, I just react.  I get annoyed, I tell him how that's not okay and he knows to come tell me when he needs to go to the bathroom.  This leads to him throwing his water cup across the room, me stepping in the pee puddle (yeah, there was that too!), him hiding behind his chair, me limping to get him (don't want to spread the pee), me shouting at him to get in bed, him started to cry how sorry he is, me feeling like shit...while cleaning up shit.  :-(  It's all really delightful.  

We hugged it out, he moved on, laid down and went to bed, and I came downstairs and (after cleaning up all the crap), sat and felt like such a jerk. My 3 year old made a mistake, came out of his room and asked me for help, and I screamed and yelled at him...I'm awesome.  In that moment that he threw his water I could have just made a different decision, things could have gone totally differently.  I could have told him I could help and then talked to him about the mistake.  I went the amazing parent route though...all in a days work.  :-/







 

Smart ass comments, eye rolling, and threats

You would think, with the title of this post, I was talking about my teenager.  I'm not.  I'm talking about my 4 year old.  Yes, FOUR.  We are already having those conversations that go smart ass comments, eye rolling, and yes, threats!  For the record, they all came from her.  Okay...okay...I may have had one or two smart ass comments in there, but neither of the others!

Charlotte didn't take a nap today.  Sometimes that goes great and she's lovely and then she goes to be earlier than usual (awesome) because she's exhausted.  Sometimes it is hell.  She gets grumpy and horrible.  Today was that time.  She still went to bed earlier, but the in between time was rough.  We were leaving the grocery store and she hadn't been listening very well and then the attitude arrived.  It went something like:

Me:  Charlotte, please buckle your seatbelt, Daddy already asked you two times.
C:  O-KAY lady, I'm doing it, I don't need you to keep telling me. (I have never been known to say any of those things)   ;-)
Me:  Don't talk to me like that, just follow the directions and I wouldn't have to tell you anything.
C:  I'm DOING it, just leave me alone.

This was followed by her just sitting there, saying some mean comments about me or to me.  I finally reached back and buckled her myself which sparked some more rude comments.  I told her that if she said something else she was going to have a time out when we got home.  Out came the next comment.  I let her know she had a time out.  This set off a flip out.  I told her when she calmed down I would talk to her.  She didn't calm down, so I didn't answer her.  

C:  Answer me, Mommy!!!!
Me:  -Nothing-
C:  Moooommmy!!!
Me:  -Nothing-
C:  Mommy, why are you ignoring me!!
C:  (the threatening begins)  When I go to school the next day, I'm going to tell all my friends that you ignore me!
Me:  (smart ass comments)  Okay, I'll tell all of my friends that you were really mean and nasty to me.
C:  Nooooo!!

So mature of me, I know.  Exactly the way to handle awesome parenting - be a smart ass to your child and then wonder where they get it from!

She came home, went to her time out (well, after I caught her playing in the toy room first) and I tried to talk to her about it.  While I was explaining how it hurts my feelings and how I hate having conversations like that with her - she rolled her eyes.  Now, being only 4 I thought, maybe she doesn't realize how rude that is....so I began explaining (YES, yes, MORE explaining - could this be why she couldn't listen to me anymore?) how rolling your eyes send the message..blah, blah, blah.  She just kept doing it.  I left her in time out (only for a few more minutes) when she talked to me with her hands over her eyes (so I couldn't see her rolling her eyes), and the evening continued pretty much that way until she went to bed.  Ugh.

Parenting - it's just, it doesn't end and you NEVER know how to handle it.  And those little boogers, they always turn around what you say and do to make it work for them.  You just can't win.  And I love them to death.  Little pickles.