GUILT

I always have it and have always had it - but when I became a parent, it was multiplied. I feel guilty about everything. I feel guilty leaving to go to work in the morning. I feel guilty if I come home late from work. I feel guilty because Jon is home with the kids all day. Guilty because I am missing time with my kids. There is just guilt everywhere I turn. And now that I have started this blog, I feel guilty that I haven't updated it in a month (and I sincerely apologize for that!).

Every morning when I leave to go to work, I hate it. I feel bad for leaving. I miss the kids and I can't help but have this guilt about leaving Jon all day. I get that it is his job now and he does a great job, but it doesn't matter. I just feel guilty about it. Charlotte usually handles it pretty darn well and just says, "Bye Mommy. See you when you get home from work. Have a great day." Meanwhile, I'm standing there feeling like crap. When I get home from work, I am immediately in mom mode. But then there are those moments when I am putting Charlotte to bed and feeling so relieved that both kids are asleep - and then I feel guilty for THAT! It just doesn't end. I'm pretty sure it probably never does. Just like the worry, love, hurt, laughter, etc. I guess you have to just learn to let go a little bit and know that going to work is best for them in the long run - I guess eating and having a house are pretty helpful for them too. Even if I can't be with them all day.