A Bad Day... and My Baby is a Drug Addict.

Last week, life caught up with me.  Everything just hit me at once.  Working full time, never seeing Jonathan (because of our work schedules), crying kids, being exhausted, not being organized enough, not being good enough...aah.  Everything just got me.  It was a bad day.  And once the emotion starts - it's hard to stop it.  I get to a point where there is no rational, everything is just this gigantic, horrible thing weighing me down.  Once the emotions clear, I can begin to think, but that wasn't the case on the bad day.  

I think part of what really put me over the edge was Jack - who hadn't been so precious the past few weeks.  A few weeks ago he had a cold, then got his 1 year shots, and I'm pretty sure must have been teething.  When he got the cold, he was a little fussy, but not miserable or anything.  After the shots, still, he wasn't so bad.  But as that week went on the crying got worse and worse.  The week after that it was pretty miserable - and I was only with him a few hours a day because of work.  He was just crying - sometimes screaming - for what seemed like no apparent reason.  Not actually knowing what is wrong with your child or what they need is one of the most horrible, exhausting feelings.  It just was wearing me down to hear him crying all of the time and to not be able to figure out how to help him.  This is the week my son became a drug addict.  After his shots, he had some infant Tylenol to help with the reactions.  Then the crying just kept coming and coming - we even took him back to the doctor because we were sure something MUST have been wrong.  The doctor said it could be a reaction and it's not horrible to give him more Tylenol.  So, he got some more medicine, and he seemed to need some the next day.  Then...he learned where it was kept.  He would see the spot or the bottle sitting somewhere and would vigorously point and grunt because he wanted it...he needed it.  He became an addict.  If I would walk away from it - this would trigger an absolute fit.  How sad, that at barely 1, my little baby son is a drug addict - and it's my fault?  I didn't know what else do to - I had become an enabler.  What a horrible parent.


But...I don't want to mess with him because I'm pretty sure he's in a gang as well.  I know, you think, he's only 1, how could he?  Almost every time I would see him, there was a teardrop right there under his eye.  A permanent tear drop under the eye!  Drugs and gangs at such a young age - a reeeally horrible parent.  Although - this week he seems to have overcome his habit and gotten out of the gang - things are looking up.  Let's hope we don't have another week like that because I'm pretty sure that I'll have a breakdown at the end of that week too and I don't think can handle another one of those any time soon!