Yes, yes, I do realize it has been a year since I have last blogged. I suck. But I miss it, so here I am. So many hilarious, sad, scary, wonderful things happen all the time with my kids and if you get out of the habit of writing them down, you just don't. I don't like that. I like to have "record" of them because I know my memory isn't getting any better as the years go on! So, here's another record.
Last night was, well, the night after Halloween. I'm sure many parents around the country had a really shitty day with their kids. They're tired, they're sugar hung over, and I can't say that I felt all that awesome either, despite not having eaten ANY pieces of candy. Maybe a cookie or two, but NO candy. I was just wiped out. Charlotte even asked me when she was going to bed what was wrong with me today. That can't be good! I guess I was a bit grumpy myself. But, I got her into bed, no major fits, she told me she loved me and then I came downstairs as usual. Jon and I got into position on the couch to enjoy some TV before we crashed...and down she comes.
She comes down asking for something, I can't even remember what it was (see, my memory IS getting worse!) and I said no. It was already past her bed time (probably...or it seemed like it!) and I was exhausted and I do know that the no was justified. It was definitely not a -I've had a long day and I'm being a shitty mom - kind of no. It was legit. After the no, she stomps away and into her room and we hear her moaning and whining and talking to herself. A minute or two goes by and she comes back to the middle of the stairs. She is already almost in tears and she says, "It was just an accident, Mommy. I didn't mean to say it. I'm sorry I said it." When I asked her what it was, I was NOT expecting it. When she went to her room and had a little talk with herself, apparently it slipped out that she was going to cut my head off!!! When she told me, I had to hold back the laughter. That might sound a little weird, but I guess it was just so ridiculous, that it made me laugh. When I went to give her a cuddle and put her back in bed she lost it. She was SO apologetic and couldn't hold back the tears. I told her it was fine and she fell asleep in a few minutes.
The thing about that is, it didn't bother me that she said she wanted to chop my head off. There have been times that she has said she wishes I wasn't part of this family...and I almost burst into tears myself. Or the time she said she didn't want me to go somewhere with her. She apologized those times too, but those...well, realistic, things actually get to me. I can remember when I was younger and my younger brother (4 years younger) had a fight with my mom. He screamed at her that he hated her so much and ran to his room. I still remember the look on my mom's face and the way I just wanted to take that comment away. Now, of course my brother is not a monster, he was just young and got mad, but it has stuck with me all this time. I don't want my kids to say that to me...I'm sure they will. All I can do is hope and wish that as Charlotte and Jack get older, no matter how bad their attitude gets and no matter what hurtful things they might say, they always realize what they've said and can come back and apologize. Honestly, I don't know how much of those comments I can brush off, especially when I know they'll know exactly what they're saying as they get older. Also, I really don't want to lose my head. ;-/
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